We have had some humorous and some very serious posts recently about the 9 year-change on our Yahoo Group. I wanted to post my recent response here so that it can perhaps benefit others. Also, we have some podcasts on the 9 year-change HERE.
Scenario. One mom posted a silly tidbit about the 9 year-change with her child and another replied with the horror she is going through and yet another mentioned not having a child of this age but believing children should be heard. This is my reply
Of course they are allowed to be heard I don’t think that is what we [other posters] are saying at all!
The changes at age 9 are very different from those at any other stage. I found 6 (traversed it personally 4 times) much easier, but it does give you some prep for 9. The changes at 12, 14, 16 are Way easier than age 9 (at least in my experience.) I sort of think of some of the changes like this… If 6 is leaving Eden, the changes at 6 are often sadness and frustration at the loss of being small, the changes at 9, are a follow up to that. At 9, they are smacked with some of the horror of the world, they are mad about their new found independent Feelings but they can’t do a ton (in their eyes) about their surroundings.
I HAVE found that parents who struggle have kids that struggle more, but that being said MOST kids struggle to some degree. Most get mad, frustrated, irritable, self righteous, indignant and just plain rude at times during the change. The outbursts have a lot to do with home life, exposure to negative people AND in my opinion, temperament.
My melancholic (to an unhealthy place) son, had a really hard time. At nearly 14, he is still struggling. His choice though has him living with someone who was (and is) pretty negative. That person informed his thinking sadly much more than our positive house could. That has made each change much more drama filled than it probably would have been otherwise. Two very unhealthy melacholics do not make for a happy home.
I share because children act certain ways sometimes because they are primed to by negative influences and sometimes they can have positive parents and still have a really dark spot. Unhealthy melancholy can look like this and our first impulse is to be frustrated and angry. Especially if we are more choleric in temperament. We are mad that they just won’t get over it!! That is me!! What helps, but can be totally exhausting when you have a houseful of children is to get right to the heart of a melancholic. They want to be able to sympathize with others and they have a strong need to help (but sometimes not mom!!) Service is golden for them, EVEN WHEN THEY FIGHT IT. They may start out angry but they always end up feeling better. I made sure when it came to any TV, we kept his at things he could sympathize with. Nothing upbeat, upbeat just makes them mad. Also ZERO negative video games. Zero.
Other temperaments trend to fair better. Cholerics get really bossy, but putting them in charge of some things tends to help. Sanguines forget they are mad but they have often little outbursts, phlegmatics to me seem pretty easy going but they seem to question a lot more.
Just my humble thoughts.