I often get questions on our Yahoo! Group about this subject. It is hard when children are small to think much about disciplining beyond the first few years, but we have to be prepared and also lay the groundwork for the future. Having boundaries isn’t mean and holding authority doesn’t make you a spanker… there is a middle ground! I promise!

In the question to the group, the original poster asked how boundaries and holding authority helped a child form a love of community and beyond.  We were also discussing the words consequence and punishment.

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I rarely use the word punishment with my children because with very rare exception, the
consequence always fits the situation. i.e., not finishing school work timely will mean we will not have time at the park/friend’s house, etc. so one directly affects the other. Even when they are small, keeping the boundary firm with that mindset of consequences helps you to not use a ton of words. Toddler hitting or hurting someone? Remove toddler. Preschooler won’t clean up toys? Remove toys. I will say that not all children need the toys taken away so most will opt to help clean up.

Sally asked how experiencing authority helps us to see commonality. This is just my take on it. I will preface this with my own experience. I have been asking God to help me understand people more… I need to be more careful what I ask for! I keep getting into very interesting and sometimes stressful learning situations! Case in point, our time in our community. We live in co-housing. I understand that some co-housing is VERY good for those involved. Our co-housing is pretty dysfunctional. Now there are people here that I LOVE. Then there are people here that make my head hurt. The ones that I bristle about the most are those that want a world with no rules and consensus 100% of the time. (Can you imagine your home run on 100% consensus?!) In co-housing there is no authority. People are expected to self govern. You wouldn’t think this would be a problem for adults, but it is. As I have gotten to know these adults and how they
govern their lives, children, etc. I have come to see this pattern of “do what you want.” That “do what you want” attitude becomes a value that then gets passed on from one generation to another. It also attracts others with that value. That can make for some very frustrating situations when you are me. LOL.

The “do what you want” value can seem all fine and good IF you have other values like care for others, care for property, truthfulness, etc. otherwise “do what you want” becomes a virus that infects others and breeds frustration among those adults that value some sort of order. Of course living with others is never easy and I am just using our experience as an example, I use it as a way to think about our children in 20 years. 30 years. 50 years. Do we want them to value “do what you want?” or do we want them to care about others? To help them value others, we have to model what we want to see and we have to correct them when they stray. You broke
Johnny’s toy? Oh Johnny must be so sad. I know you would be sad if he broke your toy. You will need to do some extra work to pay Mommy back for replacing the toy you broke. Now of course we are age appropriate with this,a 3yr might help you fold towels while a 6yo might sweep the floors and a 12yo should seek harder chores or working for someone else.

I think it is easy to look at the word authority and think it is all about spanking, yelling, etc. that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It is about loving, caring and preparing these children for the world. It is about helping them to understand your values and teaching them. It is about taking a look at our time with them as a stewardship.

Just my thoughts. Blessings.

Melisa Nielsen

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I love Sunday. I woke up early… I know, I am obsessed, but I was so glad that I did. I had enough time to make banana bread for everyone. I normally rise early enough on Sunday to get easy bread started in the mixer and lunch in the crock pot.  It was a nice change to be able to make a warm breakfast too.

I have been pondering my hate mail.  I generally don’t put a lot of stock in it, because I tend to ruffle feathers just by being me, lol, but this time I really took time to think about what they were saying.  Every email of anger came from a mom not happy with herself or her situation. Not one came from a mom that actually tried to get up early, and there were also emails with anger that I would even suggest it.  I prayed for these moms in my early morning alone time, but they were still on my mind as I took my seat next to my family in church.  I pondered just what has people so unhappy, unhappy enough to be so angry with me – it had to do with more than me talking about getting up early.  I settled in and Sammy climbed on my lap and we used my growing belly as a table to color on.  We often have wonderful speakers and today was no different, a nervous young man spoke on CHOICE.  He spoke of the great responsibility and great gift we have with choice.  Divinity gives us choice so that we can use it to learn and grow OR we can choose to go the other direction. I started thinking about the moms out there, those who emailed me and those who just silently seethed.

We have CHOICE.

The speaker related our choice to the story of Alice in Wonderland.  She gets to a crossroads trying to decide which path to take so she asks the cat.  The cat asks her where she wants to go but Alice doesn’t know, the cat tells her that it doesn’t matter which road she picks then! If we don’t know where we want to go then how can we make choices?

Decide where you want to go! Are you choosing Waldorf homeschooling?  If so, you would be good to also choose to read some Steiner. With that choice, know that you’ll be called upon to grow and strive, to take responsibility to for your actions – past, present and future.  Becoming a Waldorf homeschooling Mom is the ultimate in getting a lesson on being a grown up!  It all comes down to CHOICE, choose where you want to go and then go in that direction. When faced with struggles, don’t give up, don’t get angry and think of all the ways something can’t work… remember you made a choice to walk down this road, so with that choice, we have to realize it will mold us, prune us and above all, help us GROW.

If your choice is for a peaceful day and you can’t achieve it by doing what you are doing, well maybe think about changing!  Don’t expect change to happen overnight.  My good friend Lauri has been doing this longer than I have and we often talk about things we have learned over time, one of those things is that change takes time and perseverance, but above it takes CHOICE.  We can choose to be mad or we can choose to work.

For those deeply offended by my post, I am sorry, I have been at this a long time and I submit that if you will give my counsel a chance then we can take this road together.  If you are truly trying to make change and you need some ideas, email me! Of course there are always seasons in life and we have to work within the structure we have, but we also must realize that that structure changes and we change, we grow, our children grow, our relationships change and in it all we have choice.

Again, if your life is running perfect and your days are smooth then of course you don’t need my thoughts, just feel free to ignore them and carry on.

Love and blessings.

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LOL… okay, so the government isn’t always annoying, but a former spouse can sure feel like that when we are just trying to do our job and not get into anyone’s business.  For years we have been blessed to live in Idaho… land of no homeschool rules… AT ALL.  I am also blessed to be divorced, lol… that one though has landed me in the place of needing to do some sort of reporting.  This post is for the masses… for mamas that are contemplating divorce and for those who have to report to the government each year.

First… those contemplating divorce… look at your state laws.  What do you currently have to do for homeschooling?  If you live in a state that requires you to report then you are probably well covered in a divorce situation, the law already requires that you inform the state of your actions, this will likely help you in court, just know the law and be prepared for a judge that doesn’t so that you can quote it to him or her should you need to.  This becomes an issue when soon-to-be ex’s are getting cranky about homeschooling.  If the state requires you to report, I suggest you just give your ex a copy of everything you are handing in for the state.  Make your life easier.

Now if you live in a state like Idaho where there are no laws, you also need to be ready to let your judge know. Many just assume that homeschooled children take the same tests that their school counterparts do, educate your judge… the best time is on the stand when you are being questioned, ask your attorney to put this line of questioning into his or her case so you have that chance to talk about it – otherwise you might just end up with a ruling that doesn’t match the law or that surprises you.  If you live in a state like Idaho and your ex wants to fight about homeschooling, you might want to come up with a compromise to suggest to the judge.  Perhaps you are willing to do some testing after a certain age or you are willing to do a portfolio for him/her (yes there are some Waldorf homeschooling dads!) It is helpful to research what other states require so you can give your judge some ideas for his/her ruling.  It is likely that your judge will not know or understand Waldorf when explained, it is a tough cookie to fit into a nutshell! The description I have often used is that it is an arts based curriculum with a strong academic back bone that allows children to excel beyond their public schooled peers by about grade 3, before that time it is very sensitive to the child’s other needs.  In our last court situation, I simply handed the judge a copy of our curriculum, the gr4 and was complemented in open court for the complete nature of the work – so when possible SHOW THEM, take a copy of the curriculum with you.  Take the opportunity to show therapists and anyone conducting testing.  If your ex is being especially hard to deal with then this will be a real help to you, the courts want to see amicable parents, do not give them a reason to call you uncooperative.  If you are forced into a situation that has you testing, request that the testing not begin until third grade – this is the standard for many states and public school systems.

Ok that was icky, now lets talk about how to report if you are reporting to the government or even a former spouse.

Remember that comparing Waldorf to any other curriculum is like comparing apples and pears… both have flesh, both have seeds, but they taste totally different.  While many of us feel that Waldorf is superior… some folks still like the other fruit and that is ok if it works for them.  When dealing with anyone official, be sure to not make that other fruit look bruised and rotten, lol – that won’t get you far. As Waldorf is becoming more known in the homeschooling community, there are chances that you will find someone *official* in your area that knows something about the method. What you need to keep in mind is that what ever grade level the system wants to put your child at, this doesn’t have to be the level of Waldorf they are on.  Many states are now requiring 6yo’s (even brand new ones) to start first grade, this is still so young and a 6yo with a February birthday will do much better than one with a September birthday!  The school district is likely not going to care, even if you plead your case, so what do you do?  Get yourself a copy of the scope and sequence they require for each grade in your state, this is easy to obtain and should be readily given to you if you ask.  The scope and sequence will go through each topic they expect a child will learn in a public school setting, based on their state standards.  Now their standards and the Waldorf standards are going to look pretty different for kindergarten and first grade, maybe even parts of second grade, don’t worry.  Many children will appear behind those first couple of years, just work to make your plan fit their scope as best as you can.  For a 5-6 yr. old kindergartener, teach the colors, work on art, you can start letter recognition if you *have* to – remember that just because it says so in the scope and sequence (S&S) doesn’t mean that you need to feel pressure from it – MANY main stream children do not leave kindergarten knowing all of their letters!  You can always just say that you are working to cover it more in depth in grade 1.  Do not let these frighten you. I work with many families to help them lay this out for their state, I am happy to help you if you have trouble, we can often take care of it with one hourly consulting call.  I have you scan and email me the S&S for your state (or send me the link if there is one) and we spend our hour on the phone flushing out just how you will write your plan (ILP or individual learning plan) if your state requires it.  Some states only require a portfolio at the end of the year so make sure you have specific examples on what they want, this will be an asset to you as you are going through your year and setting aside samples for them.

Remember that Waldorf isn’t about excelling beyond standard grade levels, it is about age appropriate material presented in the proper manner.  Even if you have a reading and writing 5 yo, you would still use the Waldorf system of development for story and lesson material and this 5yo would still be in kindergarten until she is 6 going on 7 or fully 7.  Also remember that you can soar ahead in math as your child is ready, this portion of the curriculum is not as fixed as some other portions.

This can be a frustrating road, if you need help navigating it, please let us help.

Also, back to the ex spouse, something that has really worked for us is a schooling blog.  It is a blog that only is accessed by my former husband, Erik and myself, this is good because it allows me to track just how often he looks at it and also allows me to give stats to my legal counsel if needed. It keeps my former husband informed of the children’s progress and becomes an easy way for me to communicate without having to interact unnecessarily.

Rest assured, some blended family situations are VERY amicable and these kinds of discussions won’t be necessary, in all cases though, protect yourself, keep good records and a good sense of humor!

Blessings!

Our May Day promotion ends tomorrow (Friday!)

Now is the time to start getting your planning going for next year.  Enjoy 20% off in our store using the code MAYDAY.

We have two great promotions for our Waldorf training program, Thinking Feeling Willing.

http://waldorfessentials.com/two-great-deals/

Blessings!

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I have to admit that our regular amount of handwork isn’t happening these days, not because of our little bundle – I could sit and knit and watch her all day, lol! I am behind on handwork because of our summer projects, right now we are in the thick of our grade two revision (more details on that later this week.)

Ellie has been busy with a few things:

She finished the crochet edging on this burp cloth for her baby sister,

She has finally put this project to bed, we had to laugh,this sweater is just a hair shy of fitting Sariah! Sariah has just barely out grown all things preemie and looks like a newborn, she’s nearly six weeks old.

As we are finally cloth diapering full time (it was just too hard when she was in preemie sizes) I realized we didn’t have many cloth wipes.  Ellie to the rescue!  In an afternoon she cut up some flannel blankets and zigzagged the edges and now we have a great wipes stash! Ellie is a member at Ravelry and loves to talk handwork with other girls her age, if you have a daughter that wants a penpal, just drop us a line.

We had the pleasure of attending our area fiber fair last weekend, we had some great finds at fabulous prices!

These will make great hats and socks!  I am finishing up a blessing sweater for Sariah in the pink silk yarn on the far right above.

Happy Handwork everyone!

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I am often asked how we can take all of our children on one field trip and have everyone get something out of it.  It is certainly a challenge when you have more than one child and sometimes we have to bend our brain around how we can all benefit, from the 5yo to the 14yo. With our move, I wanted an opportunity to start the school year off with some state history for the big kids, but that left me with the dilemma…where does Sam fit in? We found a great park/village that offers great historical experiences. Before we left, I gave each the children a task based on their development. I discussed their tasks with them before we left as well as in the car.  I researched the park enough to know just what I could send them off to do and what I could do to keep Sam in his fun place without burdening him with too much about the pioneers and their plight.  Having done this planning was such a great help to me.  It is made so easy these days with the Internet, take the time to understand where you are going, call if you need to, think about how you can make the field trip work for everyone and consider leaving children at home that can’t be met in some way – for instance if we had been talking about an art museum that was only more mature works of art, I would have left several children home or gone on a weekend with those that could appropriately benefit from the experience. I try to look ahead through the year and keep notes with me about their upcoming lessons (with Evernote this is SO easy!) that way I can also plan field trips months in advance and get Grandma to help me if needs be or plan to have Erik there with us.

Big kids panning for gold after listening intently to what the instructor said about gold in the Utah territory.

Daddy & Sam, off on their own, looking for shiny things in the water.

More fun stuff to come!! Blessings.

Melisa

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I get this question a lot.  My answer is yes and no.  You don’t HAVE to read Steiner in order to have a Waldorf inspired homeschooling experience. BUT, to begin to really understand the work of Waldorf from a spiritual aspect and even from a practical aspect after the first few years, you will need to begin to delve into some of his actual writings. They aren’t scary – I promise!  One of the things I get very troubled about is those who tend to take Steiner out of context or even take things a bit too far.  I know Waldorf appeals to many faith bases, from a very loose base of those who do not walk a structured religious path, to those who have a pretty rigid path.  Interestingly, both extreme ends have trouble with a lot of Steiner’s work.  As we learn to walk with an open heart though, we can begin to see his truths within our own lives and children.  In order to do this we must be open to hearing and seeking to understand a message that we may not agree with – you don’t have to agree!  I don’t agree with every morsel of Steiner that I read and the more I give myself to being open, the more I realize that Steiner wasn’t after disciples, he was only giving what he felt inspired to give.  He was human.  I am also human – I am not perfect – it is from this standpoint that I can read his work, take it to God/Source and use my own gifts of discernment to decide what is right for me.

I had a friend mention to me the other day that she had to walk away from the Waldorf online community because she worried that there was a wave of “cookie cutter” Waldorf families that made her very uncomfortable.  I can see just how that could be the case, especially with so many beautiful blogs that make Waldorf life seem so easy, fun and sort of skim over the vast life experiences we all go through each day.  This friend and I have had many discussions about how our lives don’t fit that stereo typical mold. I honestly don’t think many of us fit that mold.  We are all free spirits – learning – finding our path – some Christian – some Jewish – some Pagan – some Buddhist – some Muslim – and… well I know I left out many, but we are all walking this path.

So what do we do about this vast ocean that is Steiner?  Do we read him or not?  I think about movements that I have been a part of in my life – breastfeeding – midwifery rights – autism support – even my own faith journey… Steiner is no different.  Would I be a supporter of any of the movements I mentioned without first understanding the basis behind it?  Would I really be selling myself short if I just supported midwifery and didn’t understand the ins and outs of the political workings of the bills I was for or against?  What about my faith – would I have joined without understanding the founder and having a true testimony of its truthfulness? I wouldn’t have.  I am a research nerd by nature.  I know that no everyone is this way – some people can jump on a band wagon and ride for a bit and then get off when the work gets hard or we encounter something we didn’t expect.  So for this, I do encourage you to read Steiner – remember that you won’t agree with it all.  My guess is that some nonChristians will have trouble with his representation of the Christ Impulse – some Christians will have trouble with his esoteric nature of some things.  Do these things make everything else wrong that he said?  Of course not – it may simply be that once you’ve taken something to meditation and gotten a “no” answer that while this specific part isn’t right for you, right now, in your current state of understanding, something else might be.  I try to be very specific when I pray and meditate – I imagine it to be a bit like talking to my son about an activity that he wants to do but he isn’t giving me all the information – then I am likely to say no because I don’t really know all of what he is asking! lol. I do believe that God/Source as our parent works the same way – while understanding our heart, Source is busy!  Think of all the souls asking questions – be specific! I have prayed and meditated over specifics of Steiner before and gotten a “no” only to pray and meditate later on the same subject and get a “yes” – what is that all about?  When I examine my pondering, I generally find that it was a “no” for the specific instance or child I was praying for – but now I am praying about something else and this resource/suggestion/course of action is indeed what needs to happen.  Keeping a good connection with the Spirit can hep us to use our discernment to understand when these times are coming our way. It does take connecting though – regularly.

Many times, I have gotten an email from a new Waldorf mom who may have been doing some Waldorf research online and come across some of those anti-Waldorf groups. So sad.  I honestly do pray for them.  I believe that whenever you take up being against something that you then in turn cut off your own power to discern and understand what really needs focus in your life.  Pushing negativity will never bring you the peace that serving in love and charity will.  That doesn’t mean that things won’t make us bristle, want to throw up or give us sleepless nights.  I encourage anyone who is troubled by any of those “anti” site to stand back and think of motive.  I encourage you to find someone that you know who knows more about Steiner/Waldorf than you do and ASK questions.  I also encourage you to read Steiner’s words from Steiner – not filtered through a hate group.  Isn’t there enough hate?  Isn’t there enough intolerance?  Sure as a Christian, I have my own beliefs about things – but I also know that I am commanded to love my neighbor and be charitable. Charity isn’t taking a casserole to someone who just had a baby – charity is loving someone who you don’t want to love.  Charity is practicing unconditional love – understanding the Christ Impulse.  Understanding that it isn’t about religion – it is about love.  This is a hot button for me! lol.  It doesn’t have to be yours

So hopefully you are thinking “ok, I will commit to reading Steiner” – what next?  Well, decide where your interests lie… if you are into this for education and the long haul with your children then maybe a resource like “Rhythms of Learning” might be a good place – what I like about this book, is that we are given the references for the lectures, we can then go to the lectures using a resource like Rudolf Steiner Archive. Maybe you are interested in his work on gardening and farming?  The Steiner Archive would be a good place to start for that too.  Or maybe you have read a lot about education, your interest is peaked and you want to think about some Anthroposophy and some of his spiritual teachings?  The Archive is a great place and then I also love Rudolf Steiner Audio too.  The audio archives has educational works as well as some of his biodynamic work and works on spiritual teachings.

There is no shortage of places to find his work – make sure it is a good resource.  I would never base my breastfeeding career by reading a formula company’s site or get my midwifery education from the AMA… there are obvious conflicts there.  Think about where your Steiner comes from.  Also… remember if you read something somewhere that doesn’t sit right with you, ASK – ask before it becomes something you become ill about – ask before you make judgments – I have to ask questions all the time!  I ponder, discuss, ponder some more… we are human.  Once you ask and ponder – then you may decide there are some parts that you still don’t understand or agree with – rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater, set it aside, focus on what you do understand and do agree with, the other may come back to your later, it may not – it may just be that those parts don’t serve you in your quest to know your higher self better or to educate your children.  What one mom needs, another mom may not.  Take the time.  Be open.

Love and blessings.

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I have often been asked if we participate in co-ops here in our area. Yes and no.  From time to time we have had Waldorf centered co-ops, some with many families and some with just one or two.  These are by far my favorites – I love getting together with other Waldorf centered families.  This can be a tall order though if you are in an area where there are no other Waldorf homeschoolers. It is usually easy to find other homeschoolers, but hard to decide if the co-ops they are offering fit within the Waldorf model.  We are all eager to have our children socialize but will it be at the expense of the developmental appropriateness that we are striving for.  So often this becomes a secondary thought.  It shouldn’t.  We should be thinking developmental appropriateness in all areas of our children’s lives – sure there are times when try as we might we won’t come close to the Steiner indications, but a co-op is a voluntary activity.  Before going into a co-op situation or agreeing to teach, look at the model, what will be taught at each age group? is there accountability?  are there parameters for the teachers in place? will they be just watching videos? are the experiments age appropriate?  and here’s a really important one… what is the time commitment? These are all questions I have wrestled with over the years when it has come to our local mainstream homeschool group and their co-ops.

These are wonderful ladies with awesome families but they do not walk the same Waldorf walk.  We tend to go on field trips and socialize in other settings, but shy away from the co-ops.  I knew in my heart it was the right decision after the last experience we had… I was pregnant with Sam and I agreed to teach the youngest group, kindergarten to first grade – should be easy right?  I planned six weeks of stories and drawing and field trips – zero academics.  These children were so upset at me because I wanted to draw – they wanted to write! They wanted me to fill up their brains! Two classrooms over my middle child, six at the time, was getting filled with science beyond his years and watching movies half of the time!  I left one Friday feeling emotionally drained and very frustrated – was it worth the “socialization” to have them in classes that didn’t meet my approval? Were they learning anything? Would they be too much in their heads?  After swirling with these questions for about an hour I realized that this co-op was too much for me and did not meet my standards for Steiner’s seven year cycles.

By now you might be thinking “give up our co-op?  she is nuts! how will we socialize? I am teaching, how do I get out now?”

I have a few suggestions:
1) see if you can make head way on changing the direction of the co-op – make it more Waldorf friendly, you might be surprised.  If it is a co-op with a religious base that is not supportive of Waldorf then you will need to use other terms – I often used “Holistic”  when I was working with groups that didn’t know much about Waldorf.

2) if changing the direction of the group is not possible then you will really need to decide how committed you are to Waldorf ideals.  Is the content really what you want your child to be learning?  If not then talk to the head of the group and see if the group would be willing to include you in social activities and outings so that you have the social content you want for your children.

3) If you are supposed to teach, see if you can trade with someone to get your teaching done earlier with the intention you can leave the group afterward.

4) Do NOT allow yourself to be pressured by groups that want to guilt you into staying – these are your children, if the direction isn’t what you want and you are wishing you could drop the group, then you drop the group. Put your effort into doing other fun things during that time.

I hope this is helpful.  Often I think we get in a mode of “well I have to because I agreed” and I just think that there is room for re-evaluation of things as you go and if you are feeling angst about the co-op, there is a reason.  Also, I feel like we work SO hard to keep the goals of Waldorf schooling alive at home, why would we not follow through in other learning situations?  Things to ponder.

Blessings!

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It seems just like yesterday that we announced we were bringing a new spirit into our family and here I am announcing her arrival into our arms. God has a sweet sense of humor… knowing just how much our family loves gnomes, He has sent us the sweetest little gnome baby girl ever.

Why would I compare her to a gnome? Well the last few months of my pregnancy had me more sick than anyone on my birthing team could have known.  Ultrasounds didn’t show it, but she was tiny. Last Friday she was born via emergency induction. She is completely healthy, sweet as can be… but tiny. Our tiny little miracle.

Born on Good Friday, Earth Day, at 3:16pm (John 3:16 immediately permeated the delivery room as we rang out the time for the record) our little miracle… 4 pounds 13 ounces… and perfect. She is a strong eater and came right home when I did, despite her size.

With our Beacons, I often talk about things we have to give up… I gave up fitting in a long time ago… this birth taught me even more the power that comes with letting go and letting God light the path. This isn’t the birth I planned, but everything that happened unfolded so beautifully.

Help us welcome our sweet Sariah…

Big brother Harry… I swear he stands taller now… grand protector… honored big brother.

and this boy… he has done so much healing during my pregnancy and to see him with her makes me beam as a mother. I am so elated at his strength and courage.

Now this child… she’s been waiting so long to have a little sister. She’s loved her Sammy and been so good with him… but there is something about this sister energy. She hasn’t stopped smiling.

Sam’s been such a surprise… I think he gained 20 pounds last week when she was born, lol… it seems that way.  This picture, while out of focus, is so special.  Sam has been talking about Sariah since he could talk – since before we even knew she would be coming. We saw a pretty little dark haired girl last summer while we were out as a family and Sam turned to me and said “Mama, that is what my baby sister looks like.” He tells us stories of playing with her in Heaven… they are completely connected.

Proudest Dad ever. I just love this man. He is amazing.

The chapstick gives a bit of scale… she’s tiny, but so sweet, we are so blessed.  Thank you to everyone who has offered up prayers for us, we have felt all of them.