Believing in Love When You Are Single

Single mamas (and dads!) are very close to my heart.  I am talking mostly to divorced parents today. Being single has a completely different set of stress inducing frustrations.  Even if you are living on one income while married, there is generally that second person that can step up to the parenting plate and help - not so in single parent land.  Rather than this being a post on the nuts and bolts of single parent homeschooling, I want to focus on how you can take care of yourself and get back to a place of love.  Love has to be within us before it can be given to someone else. 

With all the divorces in our culture, I can only say one thing for certain... they are all different. All of them carry most of the same elements. Sadly amicable situations are NOT the norm.  The reality is that some co-parenting relationships are amicable for a time and volatile at others.  Do your best.  You can only work on you.

Working through your hurt and being ready to love again is extremely individual - we all heal at a different rate.  The exercise I am about to suggest is going to seem fruitless if you are still hurting, but try it anyway. 

Take some time to meditate on what you love about yourself.  Think about all the things you want in a mate - go on, do it... some of the things may be qualities that your ex had, don't worry about it, just write them down.  Contemplate all the things your perfect mate would encompass.  Once your list is done, just put it away.  You don't have to read it regularly, you planted the seed :)

 I did this exercise weeks after my divorce was final and then I tucked my list away and forgot all about it.  When Erik and I rented our first house together, I unpacked my books and there was the list. I had subconsciously attracted the mate that my soul desired. Everything on my list, save one thing was manifest in Erik. The one thing? He wasn't a vegetarian. God knew just what he was doing, I went back to eating meat.  Something that I thought was a big sticking point was really nothing at all in the grand scheme of things.

I worked to spend my single time loving me and getting emotionally healthy.  It was exceptionally hard to get time alone when I was single.  I kept crazy sleeping hours and I explored spiritual places that I didn't feel like I could when I was married to my former husband. I did a lot of growing as a woman and a mother during that time.  You can too!  Take the time to explore your thorny spots, your short comings and your talents. Make plans, enjoy solitary, drink deeply at the well of your children.

Make this matter!  Be careful not to close yourself off to love - even if you don't think you deserve it or can handle it.  Just make the space for it.  Allow yourself to dream.

Did you miss the previous posts?

Evaluating Your Relationship with Your Partner, Forgiving and Everything in Between HERE
Co Parenting HERE