I come across this a lot and whether we have known Waldorf for years or are new coming to it, Waldorf Guilt is something most of us know and can relate to. When we first start learning about the method for homeschooling it can be daunting and exciting all at the same time - many moms realize that this was something they were looking for their whole life and finally it is all right here!
Then they lay awake at night and worry about all the things they "missed" or all the things they want to do - painting lessons, knitting circles, gnome making, eurythmy, don't forget all the plastic toys need to be trashed, clothes burned and all the kitchen cabinets must be emptied to make room for a grain mill and a 50# bucket of wheat! All of this and your child might only be 3 years old!
BREATHE! Most of us have been there or still go there once in a while! Sure even I lay awake at night wondering what to do - for about 3 minutes then I am out cold! lol. I learned long ago that we will never do one thing without it being at the expense of something else - good or bad - so I just have to trust that I will be led down the right path and that I will have the courage to listen to the still small voice. When I doubt, I pray, meditate, take a shower (my best alone time!) or go for a walk on my own - it doesn't take long to check in with the Divine for me to remember that I am loved, I am lucky and I am going the right way.
One reason our TFW curriculum is labeled "Journey" in the titles is because this is a journey - life - Waldorf, all of it - on this journey where direction is more important than speed. What if you came to Waldorf "late" - it isn't a race - you have plenty of time!
Take the time ~ you have plenty of it. Pick one area each month and focus on that. Your Waldorf home should feel peaceful and happy, not stressed. Take the time to meditate about what the Universe wants you to learn first - is it the back bone of Waldorf?
Rhythm is the foundation, get that in place first. Then, maybe it is the curriculum if you have a school aged child, or maybe if it is near the holidays then the natural toys might really be speaking to you. Take the time to get your direction and remember you can't get it all at once. There is the old saying "Jack of all trades, master of none." You don't want a surface knowledge of several things, it is better to gain a strong knowledge in one area (while still understanding the basic overview) and then move on to the next step.
Rhythm is often confused with schedule. They have elements of the same thing, but rhythm is more about feeling where schedule is more about doing or willing. There are times when you will feel it all come together, that is a good rhythm. My definition of a great rhythm, especially in a home with two or more children, is seeing changes coming and as Mom you are grounded enough to slightly change things so that the rhythm (feeling) of your home is not upset.
For instance it is tempting to just let everyone sleep in each day and just have lazy days. I think those are fine here and there but too many of them in a row and you will start wondering what happened. No one will feel right, you will be more agitated, kids will be fighting, etc.
Boy scouts aren't the only ones who should learn to be prepared, even if your children are beyond the diaper bag age, you still need to be prepared. Things fall apart if we are not on top of it all.
When you go away on a trip and you know your rhythm will be uprooted, make sure you try to take elements from home that can easily anchor and ground all of you while you are gone, for instance continue morning prayer time, circle time or take along a chapter book that is just to be read out loud during your trip - then don't time the completion of the book until you return home, binding the trip and the home rhythm together, keep that rhythm of the trip the first few days back as you again transition into your normal rhythm.
In closing, I just want to touch on that guilt thing again. You know there are people brand new to Waldorf that come to me asking if I have read XYZ book and if I say no they act almost offended - thinking "gosh, I thought she'd know everything!" I know what I have been directed by the Spirit to learn, it is a great deal of information but not everything, I am continuing on this journey just as you are, reminding myself that it is a process.
What my childcare get is ME. ME, confident in who I am and in Steiner's work Confident that even a bite is better than no taste at all, so we do our best - that is all you can do...your best.
Now go relax, enjoy your children, play with them and let go of the guilt. There is no such thing as Waldorf perfect. Just be yourself, the Waldorf part will shine through.
You might enjoy this blog post on the Mood of the Waldorf Home
Office Hours and Planning for Peace are a great opportunity to come clear your mind, ask questions and walk away with a plan and confidence to thrive in your Waldorf journey!
Details here.
