Crafting a Healthy Home Rhythm Part 5 - Commitment

This is where we have to be super honest with ourselves.  Are we really committed? How badly do we want this?  And if we really do but we are still failing (or just not meeting the mark we are setting) then we have to realize it begins and ends with us.  That doesn't have to be an ugly realization, it just is what it is.  We are made up of our temperament, our past, our current situation and our dreams for the future.  We have to some how make all of those sync.

We have talked a lot about temperament parenting, but I think it needs even more talk.  In the Waldorf world we often focus on our children and neglect to think about our journey with temperament too.  Temperament shouldn't be a label, it is another one of those things that just is.  There is a tendency to lump people in these categories and what I like to focus on for adults is active work on being the healthiest part of your temperament.  Let's run through a few for review, you can get more in our TFW program.

So if you are choleric, focus on the positive aspects of your temperament and focus your inner development toward that... good leadership skills, great execution skills, etc.  Your downfall as a choleric is that you can get impatient and letting the kids help you can feel like it is a test in every last ounce of patience you have... this IS your test... you have a lot of will forces, your challenge is to be the leader AND allow others to help you AND to be patient while you are explaining to the others HOW to help you.  Of course it is easier to just do it all yourself but then the children won't learn about the process.  Breathe, be calm and carry on.

If you are sanguine, focus on the positives that you offer.  So you are generally bright and energetic, you are great at planning and not so great at following through. You are probably a curriculum collector and you love making beautiful lesson plans for your child, the hard part for you comes in translating that into work.  Your challenge is to DECIDE.  Decide what you are using and put it together and stick with it.  Most Waldorf curriculum is the same, you just need to decide on a voice and then stick with that.  Use consult time that comes with the curriculum or ask questions if you need to, but stick with it and really follow through.  This will really help you tame your will forces.  The same goes for all those knitting and reading projects you have going.  TAME them :)  One or two craft/handwork projects at once and the same goes for books.  One novel and maybe one parenting or school related book.  Simplify so you can get things done.

If you are melancholic, then you have to focus on the beauty and stop focusing on being so stressed that you won't be able to do it!  You CAN do this.  Bring the very best parts of you to your child.  Often you are stressing that you aren't good enough and that can make you worried or even depressed.  Don't own that!  Do you know that God made you exactly the same way I was made and guess what??  We are BOTH capable!  So if I can do it with my loud choleric/sanguine self, SO CAN YOU :)  I promise!   The best parts of you are the love and tenderness you can give.  Try on the choleric hat when you need to hold the space or keep a boundary with your child.  Try letting things go like a sanguine can and stop worrying about what everyone thinks of you... honey, it is none of your business.  Be YOU.  You are fabulous.  I will put a bit of a spiritual warning in here for my Christian melancholic friends or those recovering from a topsy turvy Christian path that has you mad at God. My melancholic friends are more prone to martyrdom or feelings of inadequacy when it comes to their relationship with God.  Remember, God didn't give you those feelings.  God (or Source, whatever God is to you) is there to help guide and love you.

Have you heard the analogy of the $20 bill? I want you to imagine a nice clean crisp $20. It would be nice to have... even if you don't really *need* it, you'll still take it if I hand it to you.  It equals $20.  Now I am going to crinkle up that $20 bill, it is no longer pretty and flat, but it is still $20, it will still buy us lunch right?  You'd still take it.  Now let me put it on the floor - better yet, I am going to go out to the driveway and run over it.  Now it is dirty, it has some mud on it.  But it will still get me that yummy avocado sandwich with mustard and provolone.... what are you having?  It is dirty, but it is still $20 and I want it for my lunch... where are we going?  No kids, just us.  Ok, now that same $20 is torn in half. Where is the tape??  I will tape it back together and we can still go get lunch.  

You know that is how God sees us.

No matter how dirty we are, no matter how crumpled up, even if we have been run over and torn apart, we are still children of our Creator.  We still belong to someone bigger than we are who loves us, NO MATTER WHAT.

So my dear melancholic mama.... STOP FUSSING.  Just do it.  You are good enough.  We are all good enough.  We all deserve a peaceful home and we are the ones that have to lead that peace.  So get out of your own way and lets go :)  Wait... are we still getting lunch?

Now my phlegmatic friends... I just love you.  You have the ability to stay curled up and you can really harness that part of Waldorf that says we shouldn't be doing too much in the early years.  You are fine with it.  You want to stay home and play with the silks and wooden toys and knit a few rows and then bake, as long as you are comfortable.  The moment you start thinking about that crazy lady telling you to make a plan and get up early you are irritated.  Probably not irritated enough though to do much more than let your Facebook friends know, lol. *teasing*  So my phlegmatic friends are a lot like my melancholic ones in that they really need to work to build up their will.  We have to work hard to get up off the sofa.  Leave the TV covered up and don't use Netflix, just get out the paper and pen, sit in a warm corner or by a pretty sunlit window and start your plan.  You can do this.  You have such wonderful qualities, share them.  Often you may not want to do something, but if it is your own project, then you will plow through and get it done.  This curriculum is YOUR WAY!  You get to say when and how much and where.  You. You are in charge so you get to run it all.  With that in mind, don't get bogged down with it all, pick a starting point and ask for help when you need it.

So now that we have run through the temperaments VERY briefly, lets move on to the other parts of committing to this.

I get a lot of objection to getting up before kids.  I want to see if I can clarify what I mean and also if I can shed some light for those that have different circumstances. Keep in mind, I work with moms that are doing a variety of things - it is all about committing to what you really want and then finding ways to get it rather than being grumpy about not being able to have it.

Many of us family bed. Here's a throw back story when we still had the family bed:

"While I have 16yo, I still have a 2yo.  A 2yo booby monster that doesn't seem to be ready to let up any time soon.  I am trying to savor it as she is the last, but she also has some sensory stuff going on and there are mornings when my butt is kicked and I feel just as tired as I did before I got into bed the night before!  She is a joy, but she is no picnic! There are many mornings when I slip out to go potty and come back to sit in the bed and use my laptop.  Since she is so big, sometimes the laptop is too much to wrangle with her so I use my phone.  I get emails checked and answered, I can even get some writing done this way.  I can pray this way, I can listen to podcasts, I can get in my guilty pleasures like Facebook and Pinterest while I am laying there nursing her back to sleep.  I can get myself mentally and spiritually ready for the day. All of that and I only left the bed for the potty."

Now as they get older, you can get up and get a lot more done.  If they are ready for their own bed then transition them and take back your love nest :)  Invite your husband to help you with this endeavor, trust me, he will be all over it!  What are you doing in the morning?  You are making sure your menu is good for the day, making sure you have your laundry caught up, getting in that computer time... connecting with God.  Practicing painting - grade one will be here before you know it!  Use your morning time wisely.  Enjoy it!

If you are in the throws of kids with main lessons, then this morning time is golden for you.  Get those chalkboard drawings done, get the last minute read throughs on those Grimms tales done.  Connect with God about your upcoming day.  Enjoy quiet time with your partner. This is YOUR time.  See it as the gift it is rather that robbing yourself of it by staying up too late.  What is so wrong with staying up late?  Our brains can not make the centered decisions it needs to late at night.  Ever notice how things seem so much more magnified in the darkness than they do in the light? Go to bed Mama so you can get up.  Guard your morning time.  If you need some more ideas schedule a consult, I am happy to help.

Now I will make a FEW... FEW... exceptions to the get up before your kids rule.  Again, they are few.  If you are working out of the home in the late evening is one of them. So I talked with a new client today that works 3-11 several nights a week.  It has been taking her another 2 hours to wind down and then she can't seem to get up before 8am.  We discussed a plan.  First, her husband is already a rockstar in the morning and helps with their children while she gets herself moving, but that still left her with not a lot of time to plan.  She wanted to get into bed earlier, but couldn't see how it would happen.  She has a job that can keep her mind on her patients all night.  I gave her an assignment.  I asked her to pray when she gets in the car before she drives home. In her prayers, she is to hand her clients over to God and trust that they will be there safely when she returns.  Then she is to drive home listening to something uplifting, music, a podcast, something. She was excited because she really felt like she could shave off time and get into bed earlier.  She also committed to getting up just 15 minutes earlier.  What a big step and a huge start.

Remember that these journeys have to start somewhere.  You have to take the first step.

Remember to PLAN your early morning time. I have to do this so I can be super productive in the morning, but I also found that having a plan helps me get out of bed each morning. When I take the time to make a plan, then I have direction, things go fast and I know that Monday I do prayer, emails and work on what ever new project we are finishing, Tuesday I pray, email and gather things for school, and so on, each day is a gift, I just have to be willing to get up and take the gift. 

Part 1 HERE
Part 2 HERE
Part 3 HERE
Part 4 HERE

Join our Thinking, Feeling, Willing Program HERE.