Happy Kids and Happy Parents is Possible Part 2

Hopefully you have had a little time to contemplate how you want your home to feel.  Now lets talk a bit more about how to get it that way. One big hot button for me is the decline of morality in our society.  Things that would have never been ok twenty years ago seem to be ok now and it spills over into our parenting.  

As our children are tiny (0-5) some of the best things we can do is just remove them from the situation - even if we don't want to leave.  I have left the store... restaurants... friend's homes... so many times, but I sent one message "your behavior isn't appropriate, we are leaving."  There is nothing more irritating than leaving a cart of groceries, lol... well there is something more irritating... a child that is out of control!  Sam  learned this lesson well, lol, he reminded the big kids as we walked into the grocery store "Mommy said I can have a pear on the way home, please don't get crazy or she won't buy the pear!" He was 5 years old and understood the rules... how? Well because we practiced them since day one.  

Ages 6 and 7 often lend themselves to seeing a bit more will control and you can talk more about what you expect, but don't use too many words, if you have laid the foundation then they should know the rules. After walking this walk as long as I have, I often think that the real work begins in the second phase of development... those 7-14's. At this point they have the capacity to think about being naughty and following through - most children raised with love and devotion won't go here, but some will.  We can't always keep them from bad situations and I can attest more than most that in a blended family situation, you can't always control what is going on at the other parent's house. Fortunately we have only had to encounter the negatives of this situation with one of our big kids and because of our sense of authority, he was quickly understanding boundaries even more so than ever before. We have to understand when to keep them in the box and when to let the box grow... giving them firm boundaries but growing ones is a big key and is often hard with this age group.  

By the nine year change, these children really want to see us also abiding by authority. This is one of those places where we have to be certain how our own moral compass is pointing because these kids are going to hold our feet to the flame!  There is no "do as I say and not as I do" in parenting... either we stand on one side or the other, it is up to us to decide.

There is so much parenting information out there today... each day I get emails about a new book or an online parenting course and I often get asked by parents just what they should do... I support furthering your parenting skills BUT... lol, yes there is a BUT... just as I say don't become a curriculum collector, I am also going to bring that to this subject... don't become a technique collector... BE A DOER.

Remember that there is no magic bullet for parenting save one... consistency.  If you believe in Waldorf education, take the time to understand how Steiner felt about discipline and authority.  I find a lot of people think they love Waldorf but they don't understand Steiner - yes, there is a learning curve, but understanding the how and the why behind this method of education becomes key in applying it to our everyday life.  While researching something else recently, I ran across this great article, "The  Inner Life and Work of the Teacher" - it is filled with some great tidbits for the classroom, but also some wonderful bites for us as teachers and mothers to bring in.

One of my favorite nuggets is this bit by Steiner, "Enliven imagination, Stand for Truth, Feel responsibility."  This is what we are aiming for with our children... this threefold nature - it is there, within our grasp, we only need to grab it, teach it, live it. A quick checklist to accomplishing this within your home:

Decide how you want your home to feel.

Get on the same page as your partner.

Rise before your family.

Own motherhood.

Be firm and loving.

Be consistent.

Decide where your moral compass is - remember that Steiner believed religion and spiritual life was a HUGE part of raising children.

Hold authority.

Pray and meditate about your family each day.

Continual evaluation and meditation about situations, behaviors and how you can keep with "Decide how you want your home to feel."

We must take the time.  If we don't have a handle on our own will forces then we can't expect our children to control themselves.  Be consistent... with everything... not just discipline, but also with your own striving.  Taking the time for inner work ensure that you have a better day, month... year... LIFE! When you fall down, get back up, evaluate what went wrong and walk on. Become a DOER. 

Did you miss Part 1? HERE

Watch our series The Child at ___ to learn more about each stage HERE

Explore our TFW program HERE