Temperament Parenting Part 5 : Mrs. Bossy Pants
Well Mrs. Bossy Pants... how are you doing today? I can poke fun at Mrs. Bossy Pants, because she is my base temperament. As I have gotten older, I have mellowed a LOT. However... back me up against the wall and I will become Mrs. Bossy Pants to protect myself!
Mrs. Bossy Pants generally likes to be in control... prefers complete control, but will settle for partial control if she must. She doesn't often work well with other Mrs. Bossies unless the other ones are completely competent and know what they are doing. Then this mama can kick back a bit because she can trust another leader. Mrs. Bossy Pants probably started planning for the new school year at least six months early and if she didn't, she will make it a priority to take a weekend and get it done. She knows how to get things done. She is a doer. Being a doer is a GREAT thing! She loves check lists and gets glee in marking things finished.
**side note... I can't stand it when things are "pending"... our online support has a three statuses, open, pending and solved. I can not bring myself to mark things pending very often... drives me bananas! I like it when they are SOLVED! Do I have a control issue?? nah. wink.**Mrs. Bossy Pants likely came to Waldorf because it just made sense. More about the benefits than the pretty. The pretty is a great side piece, but she is really all about how the curriculum meets her child. Or can meet her child if... IF she can get over herself! Yes... I just said that. See we have a tendency to want to control so much that we forget to let others take part in the doing. The doing is what the children need. The doing is how their will grows. Without the doing, it only looks good on paper.
How do we step back and let others DO?
Being a choleric mom is no easy task! We want to take things on and really get busy. We can do that in Waldorf, but it is better if we focus that kind of energy on ourselves and let the natural unfolding energy come forward for the children. Listen, your choleric, bossy self will be a WONDERFUL asset when you hit the changes that occur at age 9 and above... those children need that stable, balanced authority, but when they are little, they need space. Space to unfold. How does that look?
While I am still pretty bossy, lol, I have worked hard to let my secondary temperament come out to play and also to find the other temperaments within myself. It is really easy for cholerics to get so caught up in doing that they forget to relax like a phlegmatic can or have empathy for others in the way a melancholic is talented. While I am no where near perfection, lol, I am seeing within myself the fruits of my own labor. There are many things I have learned about just allowing that took me time to learn. It is all part of the journey.
As you work through stepping aside and letting your child unfold, start with things that are easy... 1. Let them help you bake, clean and anything else that you tend to just DO because it is quicker, cleaner and you are just plain better at it. 2. Consciously realize that you need to let them DO. Make it part of your morning prayer work. 3. Take the time to really understand your children. As cholerics, it is really easy for us to just expect that everyone conform to us. That is not realistic or logical. We are all different. Take time to realize that you will have to talk differently to them than you would someone that works for you. They are not the hired help. They are unfolding little beings that can't read your mind Mrs. Bossy Pants no matter how badly you want them to! 4. Find things about all the temperaments that you can appreciate - this is HARD. For years I struggled with the other temperaments. I had some really unhealthy examples in my life of them all. I made up my mind that I would find healthy specimens! It takes work, but you can do it. When you put it out there then you can attract it. 5. Take the time to really ponder and map out the kind of parent you want to be. Do you enjoy being Mrs. Bossy Pants? Can you see yourself letting go a bit? What would it take to let go? For many of us, we hold on because we don't feel like there is someone as competent to step up. This is so HARD! When I was a single mom, I HAD to be Mrs. Bossy. It took me a long time after marrying my awesome phlegmatic/sanguine husband to let go and let him do his thing. When I did, there were SO many blessings! It took me realizing that I did not have to be in charge. It also made me see that in my marriage to my ex, there were plenty of times when I just didn't give him the chance to rise because I was so mad at him. This stuff goes deep. Letting go is hard if you are constantly worried that you will be disappointed. You have to ask yourself hard questions like "is his way OK with me?" or "is it enough for the task to be done, does it need to be done MY way?" Once we can get a handle on some of these things, it can make our lives so much easier. If the problem is that our partner won't rise, then we have to evaluate that... won't and can't are two VERY different things. Work together. 6. Remind yourself regularly WHY you are on this journey. Waldorf homeschooling is a GREAT journey of will discovery for all moms, but the choleric mom especially because she must learn to trust. Trust nature. Trust the child. Trust Steiner's work. Trust the crazy lady that wrote this. Trusting is no easy task. You must remind yourself daily that you do not have to do it all.When planning your lessons Mrs. Bossy Pants... keep in mind that you can't cram water into a jug with a lid. Remind yourself that these beings are not sponges or vessels to fill up. They have all this within them... they just have to remember it. Can you remember something if someone is yelling at you? Likely not, LOL... take your time. The process is just as important... if not MORE important than the product. Such a struggle for you since it is in your nature to focus on the product. Start looking at the process as the product and that will help.
So what now? Well your school year is probably all planned so get out of here! Get up and go have some fun with those kids! Let them spray you with the hose or make mud pies or go to the water park or make cupcakes together (let them control the flour!)
That's the conclusion of this series!
Did you miss part 1? HERE IT IS
Part 2 HERE
Part 3 HERE
Part 4 HERE
Temperament FREE Resources
https://www.waldorfessentials.com/resources-collection
YouTube Playlist on Temperament
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ0jFqbNLVg&list=PLUtqXjA39yD0jQ-Rln88uiw5KopqhE9vy
Blog Posts on Temperament
https://www.waldorfessentials.com/blog?tag=temperaments 
Categories
All CategoriesRecent Posts
